So Long Ago, So Clear..

So long ago so clear...

...are the memories of when I first became aware of the way people treat each other sometimes...

So long ago so clear...

...are the memories of when I first heard the sunlike, sparkling voice of Jon Anderson when I was 8 years old...and I still cannot get enough of his voice, his lyrics, his songs...

So long ago so clear...

...are the memories of when I first went off to college at 18, so desperate to be on my own, yet not knowing the financial ramifications of doing so without a lot of my own money, not knowing what I really wanted, not knowing how burnt-out I'd be from the pressure to do everything and be everything to everyone...losing my True Self in the process...

So long ago so clear...

...are the memories of when I heard more of Jon's work with Vangelis, plus got fully introduced to his being front man for Yes (thanks to a long-ago acquaintance in a New Age chatroom)...and I began my journey Home to my Real Self...

I no longer felt, or feel, alone. I felt, and feel like there is a kindred, but older, spirit lighting my way...so that I can light the way for others...

Maybe that last phrase sounds a bit egotistical...but is it egotistical to want to pay forward all the Universal Love and Peace I feel within the music of my favorite musician and his co-collaborators, both of whom continually inspire me to continue on my personal Quest?

Is it egotistical to want to share how it feels to finally know what it is to divest oneself of all the pain, hurt and anger, simply by sitting and absorbing--not just listening to--beautiful words that can bring one back from the edge of one's personal hell, and close to--and even over--the edge of knowing one's True Self? 

I may never get to meet Jon in person, but in the Universal scheme of things, I feel I know him anyway...I feel I know his soul, at least through his music...but most importantly, I know what he means to a lot of other people, too. He's not just a front man for a prog-rock band, nor is he just an entertainer with a beautiful voice and instrumental talent from here to his old hometown and back again. 

He's someone who's come here from the stars to remind us all of the peace and beauty of Home. 

...So to think how far I've come, spiritually...oh, sure, I've put in my own efforts..but...how much extra effort would I have put in had I not known Jon's music?

'Tis something I think about...particularly on my birthday (or thereabouts).

Can't help it...it comes with the territory of realizing where I am in life and how much further I have to go...

...and how I've not completed my Earthly missions just yet.

Blessings and Namaste,

Rev. Kat ^.^

Thoughts Surrounding my Birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday. And tomorrow, according to Central Standard Time, is in 40 minutes. 

And I am staring right into the face of my own personal crunch time. 

I will be 31 years old. It has been seven years since I moved back in with my parents after trying to live on my own, and it has been almost six years since I met Quentin.

What I am facing is this: 

1) I am hypothyroid and overweight, with PCOS on top of everything, which is going to make it very difficult for me to get pregnant without the aid of the medical community. A woman's childbearing years are limited, and the older a woman gets, the higher the risk is for Down's syndrome. Not sure I want to face that risk.

2) Quentin and I don't have our own place yet, and he just got laid off. I've also been unemployed for a good year and a half. 

3) I want to get my own creative career going pronto, for my own emotional and financial peace of mind. I look at where Jon Anderson and Vangelis were, career-wise in relation to how old they were when they first collaborated (Jon was 31, not quite 32, and Vangelis would have been 32, not quite 33)...and by comparison, I feel so far behind...especially when I look at Jon's daughter Jade, who's already made something of a name for herself, and she is two years younger than I am. 

I think part of my problem is, I have so many ideas in my head, so many things I want to do in my life, and it feels so overwhelming that I have troubles just getting started as there are things I still don't know and sometimes the learning curve for certain things is so sharp that I spend more time learning than I spend time actually DOING the things that require all that study. 

Then just yesterday I read something in an article about Beyonce' Knowles. She said something to the effect that she picks and chooses which projects are going to enrich her and pay dividends emotionally and spiritually in the long term. The key words here are "enriching in the long term." 

And this young woman is not only beautiful with a beautiful voice, her work ethic is unbelievably strong. She'll push forward with one more run-through of a song when everyone else is pushing her to take five. I just hope she doesn't push herself so hard she lets herself get run down, physically. I know it takes a lot of work to execute your goals, but there's gotta be some balance, and I'd like to know how she works it all out. The Goddess-of-Mystery-Force is definitely with Beyonce'. ;-)

*My* problem right now is, I am a night owl, and in order to get things done, the necessary thing to do is wake up early. So how do I get myself to stop working even after my favorite TV programs are over ("Paranormal State" on Mondays at 9 and "Hell's Kitchen" on Thursdays at 8)? Because when those shows are over, I am compelled to come back upstairs and pound out just one more Hub at HubPages or read others' Hubs, or write on my stories. 

And I'd *really* also want to focus on my spiritual studies, and it's tough to do that when the siren call of typing on the computer (whether or not I'm working) gets very loud. So...what kind of solution can I come up with to get me to switch off the computer and devote some time to restoring my spirit and Self?

Something tells me an alarm clock of some sort might help me. Maybe I'll take a look at the Opera widgets before I go spending money.

Anywho, I'll close off for now, and report back later.

BB,

Rev. Kat ^.^