Tomorrow is my birthday. And tomorrow, according to Central Standard Time, is in 40 minutes.
And I am staring right into the face of my own personal crunch time.
I will be 31 years old. It has been seven years since I moved back in with my parents after trying to live on my own, and it has been almost six years since I met Quentin.
What I am facing is this:
1) I am hypothyroid and overweight, with PCOS on top of everything, which is going to make it very difficult for me to get pregnant without the aid of the medical community. A woman's childbearing years are limited, and the older a woman gets, the higher the risk is for Down's syndrome. Not sure I want to face that risk.
2) Quentin and I don't have our own place yet, and he just got laid off. I've also been unemployed for a good year and a half.
3) I want to get my own creative career going pronto, for my own emotional and financial peace of mind. I look at where Jon Anderson and Vangelis were, career-wise in relation to how old they were when they first collaborated (Jon was 31, not quite 32, and Vangelis would have been 32, not quite 33)...and by comparison, I feel so far behind...especially when I look at Jon's daughter Jade, who's already made something of a name for herself, and she is two years younger than I am.
I think part of my problem is, I have so many ideas in my head, so many things I want to do in my life, and it feels so overwhelming that I have troubles just getting started as there are things I still don't know and sometimes the learning curve for certain things is so sharp that I spend more time learning than I spend time actually DOING the things that require all that study.
Then just yesterday I read something in an article about Beyonce' Knowles. She said something to the effect that she picks and chooses which projects are going to enrich her and pay dividends emotionally and spiritually in the long term. The key words here are "enriching in the long term."
And this young woman is not only beautiful with a beautiful voice, her work ethic is unbelievably strong. She'll push forward with one more run-through of a song when everyone else is pushing her to take five. I just hope she doesn't push herself so hard she lets herself get run down, physically. I know it takes a lot of work to execute your goals, but there's gotta be some balance, and I'd like to know how she works it all out. The Goddess-of-Mystery-Force is definitely with Beyonce'. ;-)
*My* problem right now is, I am a night owl, and in order to get things done, the necessary thing to do is wake up early. So how do I get myself to stop working even after my favorite TV programs are over ("Paranormal State" on Mondays at 9 and "Hell's Kitchen" on Thursdays at 8)? Because when those shows are over, I am compelled to come back upstairs and pound out just one more Hub at HubPages or read others' Hubs, or write on my stories.
And I'd *really* also want to focus on my spiritual studies, and it's tough to do that when the siren call of typing on the computer (whether or not I'm working) gets very loud. So...what kind of solution can I come up with to get me to switch off the computer and devote some time to restoring my spirit and Self?
Something tells me an alarm clock of some sort might help me. Maybe I'll take a look at the Opera widgets before I go spending money.
Anywho, I'll close off for now, and report back later.
BB,
Rev. Kat ^.^
No comments:
Post a Comment