You know the game of "Risk"? The one that somewhat resembles a paper-n-pencil RPG, but isn't?
It's some sort of strategy game that I've heard about over and over but never got the chance to play. It's probably a game that I would get seriously addicted to once introduced. "Monopoly's" like that for me, too...probably because I like a challenge, and it seems I hardly ever win at "Monopoly." And if there's anything about Monopoly that provides a challenge, it is taking calculated risks, bargaining a trade (e.g. Park Place for Water Works) and so on.
Real life is a good deal like that too: full of options and challenges.
I didn't always realize this, though. After I left college with a huge debt and no degree (traditional 4-yr college is NOT the place for me. Too much stress from having to worry about grades and money at the same time.), I began to feel like I had made a huge mistake, and wished I'd known more about myself before diving into a $16K-per-year, 18-credit-hr/semester course load, and not just on an academic and financial level, either.
The regular, modern work world hasn't made learning to deal with stress any easier, either. So, if there is such a thing as "Risk Precipice," I've been quickly backing away from it for the last eight years, paralyzed by guilt for letting myself get too stressed out and racking up a huge debt, and the resulting overall fear of failure. Whether that was self-induced by recent experiences, or the memory of the demanding people in my life who think failure should never be in one's vocabulary--and doing things right the first time should always be EVERYONE'S m.o. (modus operandi)--I will never know.
Yet, I doubt that there is anyone more demanding than one's own inner critic, who amazingly tends to be the one to inwardly embody the criticism from external sources. I know this because my inner critic gets just as amazingly loud and rude. It's taken me some time to get her to shut up...and it's not been easy. She is the one who's always warning me about the failures that might result from acting on something, however cautiously I do it. It's gotten me to the point of being a bit "Monkish."
But if there is one thing my beloved boyfriend is good at, is bringing me back to reality...the reality that really living life *does* involve taking risks. And failure *will* be part of the equation at some point--and what *really* constitutes failure on a large magnitude is never learning from those mistakes, or failures, or whatever. It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Well, it seems my own personal version of "insanity" has been this: backing away from risk over and over again...and expecting my life to still garner me the success I believe I deserve. It's clearly not working. This right here, folks, was my a-ha moment for the day.
Am I afraid of failure, still? Yes. I won't deny that. Do I want things to go precisely the way I think they should? I would be lying, and wouldn't be human if I said I didn't want that, because I think just about everyone desires to have their own way--even if it's just to have an easy day at work, school or whatever.
But dang it...This may seem like a no-brainer, a "duh!" moment to some, but to me, it's pure revelation: it's time for a change in my thinking...heck...even Senator Barack Obama's campaign is about change, which this country sorely needs. Just as I need to change and transform my life...from one of paralyzing fear of failure, to a life of living with courage, even in the face of potential failure...and to say to myself--"hey, if something doesn't work, try something else. It's okay."
Besides...if Thomas Edison had never tried over a thousand times to get the light bulb right, and stopped at idea 999, either someone else would have figured it out, or we'd all be blogging by candlelight, still. ;-)
So...food for thought:
If you don't take risks, you might not have failure, but you certainly won't have success. Here is the link (courtesy of StumbleUpon) that pushed me over the edge into today's A-HA! moment:
Risk--Author Unknown
Blessings and A-Ha Moments,
Rev. Kat ^.^
It's some sort of strategy game that I've heard about over and over but never got the chance to play. It's probably a game that I would get seriously addicted to once introduced. "Monopoly's" like that for me, too...probably because I like a challenge, and it seems I hardly ever win at "Monopoly." And if there's anything about Monopoly that provides a challenge, it is taking calculated risks, bargaining a trade (e.g. Park Place for Water Works) and so on.
Real life is a good deal like that too: full of options and challenges.
I didn't always realize this, though. After I left college with a huge debt and no degree (traditional 4-yr college is NOT the place for me. Too much stress from having to worry about grades and money at the same time.), I began to feel like I had made a huge mistake, and wished I'd known more about myself before diving into a $16K-per-year, 18-credit-hr/semester course load, and not just on an academic and financial level, either.
The regular, modern work world hasn't made learning to deal with stress any easier, either. So, if there is such a thing as "Risk Precipice," I've been quickly backing away from it for the last eight years, paralyzed by guilt for letting myself get too stressed out and racking up a huge debt, and the resulting overall fear of failure. Whether that was self-induced by recent experiences, or the memory of the demanding people in my life who think failure should never be in one's vocabulary--and doing things right the first time should always be EVERYONE'S m.o. (modus operandi)--I will never know.
Yet, I doubt that there is anyone more demanding than one's own inner critic, who amazingly tends to be the one to inwardly embody the criticism from external sources. I know this because my inner critic gets just as amazingly loud and rude. It's taken me some time to get her to shut up...and it's not been easy. She is the one who's always warning me about the failures that might result from acting on something, however cautiously I do it. It's gotten me to the point of being a bit "Monkish."
But if there is one thing my beloved boyfriend is good at, is bringing me back to reality...the reality that really living life *does* involve taking risks. And failure *will* be part of the equation at some point--and what *really* constitutes failure on a large magnitude is never learning from those mistakes, or failures, or whatever. It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Well, it seems my own personal version of "insanity" has been this: backing away from risk over and over again...and expecting my life to still garner me the success I believe I deserve. It's clearly not working. This right here, folks, was my a-ha moment for the day.
Am I afraid of failure, still? Yes. I won't deny that. Do I want things to go precisely the way I think they should? I would be lying, and wouldn't be human if I said I didn't want that, because I think just about everyone desires to have their own way--even if it's just to have an easy day at work, school or whatever.
But dang it...This may seem like a no-brainer, a "duh!" moment to some, but to me, it's pure revelation: it's time for a change in my thinking...heck...even Senator Barack Obama's campaign is about change, which this country sorely needs. Just as I need to change and transform my life...from one of paralyzing fear of failure, to a life of living with courage, even in the face of potential failure...and to say to myself--"hey, if something doesn't work, try something else. It's okay."
Besides...if Thomas Edison had never tried over a thousand times to get the light bulb right, and stopped at idea 999, either someone else would have figured it out, or we'd all be blogging by candlelight, still. ;-)
So...food for thought:
If you don't take risks, you might not have failure, but you certainly won't have success. Here is the link (courtesy of StumbleUpon) that pushed me over the edge into today's A-HA! moment:
Risk--Author Unknown
Blessings and A-Ha Moments,
Rev. Kat ^.^
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